The Lexingtonienne

June21st

6 Comments

The Sure Thing

Posted in: Recipes

Mike says he knew he loved me when he found out I could turn a green vegetable into a pork product. Ladies, if you are a-lookin’ for a sexy man like this one, keep reading.

My friend Cheryl has a friend she calls Nanny, and Nanny is somewhere in the neighborhood of 80 years old or so. Well apparently the other night while at a party, Nanny was very disappointed that at 1:15 am — as she herself put it — she still hadn’t gotten laid.

If you are like Nanny, you need to put some Latisse on your eyelashes, cook up these deal sealers green beans, and watch the men come aunnin’. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

You are going to need ham and salt pork. In case you haven’t figured it out yet from reading this blog, I’m not here to make you skinny, but I can make you fat and sassy. And boys like sassy ladies.

There’s really not much to these things, which is what’s so great. You throw everything in a pot, then set it to simmer for a couple of hours while you put on lipstick and practice your “come hither” glance in the mirror.

And when your date tries them, he’ll say, “I know that green beans are a vegetable, but you have magically turned them into a pork product. You must be some kind of sorceress, because I am captivated by your transformative abilities and mythical charm.” Done and done.

Green beans: Some say down-home; I say dead-sexy.

SOUTHERN-STYLE MAN-MAGNET GREEN BEANS
fresh green beans, washed, stringed and with the ends snapped off
onion, diced (btw, I always use a sweet onion… in every recipe)
ham, diced
salt pork – 4-6 slices
garlic – 2-4 cloves
ground pepper to taste (but be generous)
chicken broth – enough to just cover the beans

Note: There are no measurements here. Adjust your amounts according to the number of gentlemen callers you plan to entertain. Also, you will not need to add any salt… you will be plenty puffy the next day without it.

Throw everything into a pot. Bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. Cook on low heat for a few hours, or until they look like your Mimi made them.

Get it girl,
Hannah

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