The Lexingtonienne



This is neither foodelated nor Eleanoraelated, unless you consider the fact that I was driven to action by my poweful maternal instinct to protect Eleanora from danger.

We had a spider.

It was HUGE and definitely deadly, and I first noticed it crawling on my mini-Cuisinart, which I use to MAKE ELEANORA’S BABY FOOD. AAAAAAGHGHGHGHHHHH!!!!!


It was around 3 in the afternoon. Hubba Bubba was at work and would not be home for a very long time, so I could not delay in my action against the alleged spider. In my pre-baby life I would have screamed helplessly until it ran away on its own. But what if it ran away and then jumped on Eleanora’s face while she was sleeping?

8 months sippy cup

After a series of shrieks and guh-guh-guh‘s from me, I finally trapped the assailant under a glass jar. YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK!!! I thought I would be very clever by sliding a piece of cardboard underneath the jar, so that I could bravely flip it all upside down and then have the perpetrator caught IN the jar. Well, I turned everything halfway upside down and shakily lost my courage, as Julia Child would say, and the suspect made a run for it. AAAAGHHHHHH!!!!!! But… I RE-TRAPPED him out of sheer determination. I’m pretty sure it was the adrenaline.

This second time I was not risking it. I slid the cardboard underneath again (it was actually part of a notepad from Powell Electric, who installed our new chandelier…


… thanks, Powell Electric!). I put a Diet Coke on top to secure it (a full Diet Coke would be pretty heavy for a spider to lift, right?) and left it there. It lost a couple of limbs in the process. Oddly, I felt bad about this.


Every time I checked to make sure he was still under the jar, I got the shivers and shrugged my shoulders up really tight, as though someone might try to pour him out of the jar onto my neck.

Later in the evening, with Hubba Bubba still not home, I checked on the prisoner to see if he was A) still there, and B) had yet acquired Stockholm syndrome. He appeared somewhat dehydrated and had his legs curled in the air. I called Time of Death at 9:01 pm.

no good, very bad


Victory is mine,


  • Comment by Katie Alender — August 24, 2011 @ 12:56 pm

    The other night, we were watching TV and spied a spider on the ceiling. As I was, with the utmost feminine gentility, trying to persuade the husb to kill it, it dropped off the ceiling and landed somewhere in our heavy shag rug and now I have to assume it is lurking in there for the right chance to jump out and give me a heart attack.

  • Comment by Hannilou — August 24, 2011 @ 1:27 pm

    Katie, that is HORRIBLE. Perhaps it is time to get a new rug.

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