When I was pregnant, I was an indefatigable task master, hell-bent on accomplishing every item of business before the baby arrived. Car registration completed 2 months in advance? Check. Property taxes paid 3 months before they were due? Yep. Enough hand soap stockpiled to last us until the baby’s 7th birthday? Youuu betcha.
The goal was to take care of everything so that, once Eleanora arrived, I could focus just on her. I was preparing for life to slow down, to be suspended in this magical, albeit sleepless, bubble of time. It’s a beautiful idea, isn’t it?
My mistake, however, was thinking my life would slow down. Haha.
HAHAHA.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Idiot.
Instead of slowing down, every aspect of my life now moves at 90 miles per hour. I shower at lightning speed. I inhale entire meals in under two minutes. There are no magazines in my bathroom.
As for grocery shopping? Before Eleanora was born, I went to the grocery store like 5 times a week, or whenever the mood struck me. I’d lean on the cart handle and ponder, “Should I buy some more toothpaste? It’s on sale. It might be on better sale next week. Meh, maybe I’ll get some. No, I think I have an extra tube at home. Maybe I’d better wait. Well… I can always keep more toothpaste in the guest bathroom. Okay, I’ll get some toothpaste.” That was pre-baby.
Now? Do you remember the game show Supermarket Sweep, where contestants raced through a grocery store in a maniacal dash for alimentary prizes? Supermarket Sweep, for me, is less a game show and more a lifestyle these days.
I spend a week compiling a master grocery list, waiting eagerly for Sunday to arrive, when I can leave the baby at home with Hubba Bubba and attack the Albertson’s by my damn self. (If Eleanora and I pop into the store during the week, I have to put her car seat in the main part of the cart, leaving me only the top part for groceries. This is not conducive for buying crates of bottled water or 10-packs of paper towels.)
But just because I am alone does not necessarily mean I have the luxury of time. Usually, by the time I realize I have an opportunity to go to the grocery store, we are 45 minutes away from Eleanora’s next feed. It takes me ten minutes to get to the store, and ten minutes to get home, leaving me 25 minutes to procure a week’s worth of groceries and still get home in time to feed the baby.
The Sweep is ON.
I run into the grocery store like Large Marge after drinking 17 Jolt Colas, grab a cart — usually one with a jammed up wheel that pulls really hard to one side because I don’t have time to test out 3 or 4 different carts to find one with decent alignment — and dash for shampoo and swiss cheese as though I’m running from a rampant flow of hot lava.
Breaaaaaad!!!!!!
Toilet payypahhhhhrrrrr!!!!!!!
Slice the turkey fastahhhhhrrrrrrr!!!!!!!
Anyway, the point of all this is that right now I have to stick with what I know or else nothing happens at all. I need tried and true meals with short ingredient lists. So this week I made the Apricot Pork Roast again for dinner, because I can run into the store like a bat out of hell, grab a pork roast, apricot preserves, orange juice, soy sauce, an onion, and some garlic, and then get the eff out of there.
Oh, sorry, were you looking for a new recipe? You’ll have to talk to my boss about that. 😉
xoxo,
