Do you ever have one of those dreams where you’re standing in your underwear (or less) in front of a crowd of people? Well today I am going to let my blog post be a little bit like that by exposing a once closely-held secret to you, but only because we are such close friends.

Some of the fanciest-sounding things are actually among the simplest to make. To prove it to you, I will show you step by step how to make one very fancy-sounding hors d’oeuvre, with some very fancy-sounding dessert items to come in a later post. You are going to laugh and laugh when you see how simple this is.

CROSTINI WITH CHEVRE AND CARAMELIZED LEEKS
Caramelized leeks adapted from the Joy of Cooking
1 baguette, sliced into 1/2-inch thick pieces
1 small roll of chevre (aka goat cheese)
6 leeks (this should provide hors d’oeuvres for 6-8 people)
butter, olive oil, and salt & pepper

The leeks take a couple of hours to caramelize, but the work is easy peasy. You can caramelize the leeks the night before, store them covered in the fridge, then warm them up the next day or use them at room temperature to assemble your crostini.

Leeks are part of the onion family, but they’re milder and sweeter. For this you want just the white and light green parts of the leeks. Leeks are grown down in the ground to keep the white parts white, which also allows some dirt and sand to get trapped in between the layers…

… so give your leeks a thorough rinse, then cut them into 1/4-inch thick (ish) slices.

Melt butter and olive oil in a large, heavy pot. Cook the leeks on the lowest heat possible until they are soft. This can take about 45-60 minutes, depending on how many leeks you have.

When they’re soft, turn up the heat to medium, stirring them constantly. The bottom of the pan will start to brown. You can pour in a little white wine, scrape the bottom with a rubber spatula or wooden spoon, and the brown bits will come right up. Stir this into your leeks – it will help them to keep browning. You can repeat this several times, and it will smell fantastic each time.

Keep going until the leeks are sufficiently caramelized. This can take an additional hour, but don’t watch the clock – watch the leeks. Sometimes I cheat and add a teaspoon or so of sugar at the end. I like stuff to be reeeal sweet, seeing as you are what you eat and all 🙂

Salt and pepper your leeks at the end of cooking, and transfer them to a bowl. Can you believe how much you started with versus how little you end up with? Kind of like spinach.

The actually crostini part is the easiest thing ever. Lightly brush each slice of bread with olive oil, stick it under the broiler to toast on each side, and you’re dunzo.

Spread each crostini piece with goat cheese.

Top with caramelized leeks. Change your name to Fancypants and serve as a Fancypants hors d’oeuvre. Fancypants.

If you have leftover leeks and goat cheese, store them in the fridge and make yourself an omelet the next morning 🙂

If you don’t have a couple of hours to caramelize leeks (oh what, do you have to go to work?), you can try any number of other crostini variations:

• sliced figs, manchego cheese, and a drizzle of honey
• garlic butter and melted gorgonzola
• sliced heirloom tomato, burrata, basil, and balsamic vinegar
• pesto and parmesan
• proscuitto and finely diced melon
• wasabi mayo, sushi-grade ahi, black sesame seeds, and a splash of ponzu

Or make up your own! You guests will think you are all kinds of fancy. Which you are.

Fancy Schmancy Part 2 coming soon… Happy JULY, y’all!

As you may know, when you go through the process of planning your wedding, somewhere in some master file, someone stamps CONSUMER across your name. And before you know it, you get all kinds of emails, postcards, and catalogs inviting you to make ridiculous purchases.

Around the time of our wedding, while I was receiving this influx of needless marketing, a publication called “Sunset” started showing up in my mailbox. I thought it was just another catalog and always put it straight into the recycler.

One day I finally got a little curious and decided to see what kind of company “Sunset” was. As I thumbed through the pages, I realized this wasn’t a catalog, but a magazine.

I must have been feeling like a Dudley Do-Right that day, because I called their 1-800 number to inform them I was mistakenly receiving their magazine. The friendly staff at “Sunset,” however, assured me I had subscribed and paid.

I know I didn’t subscribe to OR pay for this boring magazine — I keep my checking account balanced to the penny and could not find the charge anywhere — but since I was receiving it nonetheless, I decided to at least open it when it came.

And one day, I found a pretty great chicken recipe in it. I don’t know about you, but I’m always looking for new ways to do chicken.

So to get the most out of an otherwise useless subscription to “Sunset” magazine (whatever it is – I’m still not really sure), I thought I’d share this recipe with you.

CHICKEN WITH TOMATOES, APRICOTS, AND CHICKPEAS
Adapted from a recipe in “Sunset” magazine

4 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1/2 onion, chopped
2 tsp ground cumin
1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
1/4 tsp chili powder
1 can (14.5 oz) diced tomatoes
1/3 C chopped dried apricots
1 T sugar
3 minced garlic cloves
1 can (15 oz) chickpeas
1/4 C chopped parsley

Saute chopped onion in olive oil over medium-high heat until onions are clear. Set aside. Add more olive oil if necessary to coat the pan and add spices. Cook for 1 minute, stirring constantly. Sprinkle chicken breasts with salt & pepper. Add chicken breasts to pan and cook until golden brown, turning once, about 6 minutes. Transfer to a plate, cover with foil, and set aside. Deglaze your pan with the white wine, using a spatula to scrape the bits off the bottom of the pan. Stir in onions, tomatoes, apricots, sugar, and garlic. Return chicken to pan and simmer, covered, until chicken is cooked through, about 10 minutes. Stir in chickpeas and parsley, cooking until heated through.

Enjoy!

My general practitioner, Dr. Law, is the greatest. She always runs on time, she always remembers our small talk from the last visit (she must take notes), and she’s really pretty.

One time, several years ago, I had this strange red rash all over my fingers on my right hand. It didn’t itch and it didn’t hurt, but it looked weird and people were starting to notice. When it didn’t go away after a week or so, I finally went to see Dr. Law.

She looked at my rashy-fingered hand for a while, asked some questions that led us nowhere, and finally said, “I really don’t know.” She said to put some cortisone cream on it and call her if it didn’t improve after another week.

As she turned to leave, she stopped. “Unless… did you have lime juice on your hand and then go in the sun?”

The question was so random, so specific, and so unexpected, I had to think for a moment. Then I remembered.

“YES. I made a Key lime pie last week. I squeezed the juice out of all those tiny Key limes with my right hand [because I am right-handed], put the pie in the oven, and sat outside in the sun to eat lunch with Mike.”

“There you go, then,” she said, assuring me the weird rash would fade away. And it did. I always really liked Dr. Law before that, but the Key lime incident sealed the deal for me: this lady is GOOD.

So as Fourth of July weekend approaches and you’re wanting to bring a summery, non-flag-cake dessert to the barbecue, here is a really delicious recipe for Key lime pie. And I have to tell you or we would not be true friends, after several years of making it, I finally discovered this stuff…

… which not only makes things go faster and tastes just as good as freshly squeezed Key lime juice, but also it won’t ruin your nails. If you can’t find the bottled juice, you can certainly squeeze your own Key limes… just don’t do it right after you’ve gotten a manicure, and whatever you do… stay out of the sun immediately afterwards.

KEY LIME PIE
From The Joy of Cooking

CRUMB CRUST
1 1/4 C fine crumbs made from graham crackers or chocolate wafers
5 T butter, melted
3 T sugar

Preheat the oven to 350. Mix ingredients together with a fork until moistened. Spread the mixture evenly in a greased 9-inch pie pan. Using your fingers, press the mixture over the bottom and up the sides of the pie pan. Bake until the crust is lightly browned and firm to the touch (or with chocolate wafers, since it’s darkly brown to start with, until your kitchen smells chocolatey), about 10-15 minutes.

I like to make a chocolate wafer crust because when I was about 13 years old and would go on vacation with my friend Mary Beth (you know, she has the joggling board), she ordered Key lime pie for dessert at every restaurant where we dined. It was an extra special treat if the restaurant served their Key lime pie with a chocolate cookie crust. Plus I like to garnish with raspberries, and everybody knows chocolate and raspberries are married to each other.

KEY LIME PIE FILLING
One 15-oz can sweetened condensed milk (I use a 14-oz can because it’s what they sell)
4 large egg yolks
1/2 C strained fresh lime juice (hehe)
3-4 t grated lime zest*

Set oven to 325. Whisk ingredients together until well blended. The mixture will thicken as the milk reacts with the acidic citrus juice. Pour the filling into the still-warm pie crust. Bake until the center looks set but still quivery, like gelatin, when the pan is nudged, 15-17 minutes. Let cool completely on a rack, then refrigerate until cold for up to 1 day.

Shortly before serving, whip  until thickened:
3/4 C cold heavy cream

Add:
1/4 C sugar  (Says Joy. I say less – like a tablespoon or two.)
1/2 t vanilla extract

Whip until stiff peaks form. Spread over the pie or spoon a dollop onto each slice. Serve with fresh raspberries and be very, very happy.

*A word about zesting. Remember that a Microplane grater is your frenemy in the kitchen. It works beautifully, but it won’t hesitate to grate your fingertip if you’re not careful. It’s like one of those capuchin monkeys people get as pets. One day it’s eating a banana and wearing a dress and looking all innocent, the next day it’s hurling poop at you and eating your face off. Now you see why your parents wouldn’t let you have a monkey? Anyway, be careful when zesting those limes.

Enjoy being the hit of the Independence Day potluck!

If I could have dinner with any famous person, I once would have said Pee-wee Herman, but then I met him and he was a weirdo. I know you are, but what am I.

So now I would choose the Barefoot Contessa, aka Ina (pronounced EYE-na) Garten. Or as Little Brother calls her, In A Garden.

A couple of years ago, when my work on the show “Pushing Daisies” sadly came to an end on a Thursday, instead of being bummed out about it, I was a little bit thrilled because the Barefoot Contessa was signing cookbooks at Williams-Sonoma the very next day — a Friday — which normally would have been a workday. Since I was freshly unemployed, I could attend said book signing. Score.

That Friday morning, I met up with my friends Aaron and Karrie at Williams-Sonoma an hour ahead of book signing time. Actually, we met each other three blocks away from Williams-Sonoma, because that’s where the end of the book-signing line was.

We stood in line in the sun for an hour and a half, listening to all the ladies in the queue clucking about Ina Garten, eagerly clutching copies of her latest cookbook. Aaron, Karrie and I chattered nervously about what we would say to the Barefoot Contessa when we got up to her.

“Ina, you are fabulous? I’m your biggest fan? I want to be in your big gay posse and live at the windmill down the road from your house in the Hamptons and go to the fish monger with you?”

I wanted to do or say something witty and charming to gain her instant favor, something that would compel her to say, “Hannah Duffy, you are fabulous and I would love for you to join me and my big gay posse for dinner tonight.” Ohhh, Ina, I accept.

I felt like I was in the movie “A Christmas Story,” when Ralphie anxiously stands in line awaiting an audience with Santa Claus. Remember when the lady in the Wicked Witch costume tries to talk to him while he’s in line and he’s all, “Beat it, I’m trying to think”? That was me with the Williams-Sonoma employees offering parmesan thyme crackers to the Ina fans.

Finally, we were inside the store (instead of wrapped around the sidewalk outside) and could actually see the Barefoot Contessa sitting behind the table, signing and smiling oh-so graciously, while rays of sunshine emanated from her dimples. She had a throng of helpers — just like Santa’s elves — and before I knew it, one of them had grabbed my cookbooks for signing out of my hands and another had spun me around and pushed me right up to the desk in front of INA GARTEN HERSELF.

I choked. I couldn’t think of anything to say. I can’t remember what she said to me. My mind was blank, just like when Ralphie stupidly fumfered that he wanted some Tinker Toys. And two blurry seconds later, I was being pushed by another one of Ina’s elves down the slide and into a pile of polyester snow. My grand meeting with the Barefoot Contessa was over. Ho, Ho, Hooooo.

All in all, it was a bust. Ina’s recipe for Parmesan Chicken, however, is not.

PARMESAN CHICKEN
From Barefoot Contessa: Family Style. Serves 6.
6 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 C all-purpose flour
1 t kosher salt
1/2 t freshly ground black pepper
2 extra large eggs
1 1/4 C seasoned dry bread crumbs
1/2 C grated Parmesan cheese
Unsalted butter
Good olive oil

Pound the chicken breasts until they are 1/4 inch thick. Combine the flour, salt, and pepper on a dinner plate. On a second plate, beat the eggs. On a third plate, combine the bread crumbs and Parmesan cheese. Coat the chicken breasts on both sides with the flour mixture, then dip both sides into the egg mixture, and dredge both sides in the breadcrumb mixture, pressing lightly.

Heat 1 tablespoon of butter and 1 tablespoon of olive oil in a large saute pan and cook 2 or 3 chicken breasts on medium-low heat for 2-3 minutes on each side, until cooked through. Add more butter and oil and cook the rest of the chicken breasts.

Keep the chicken breasts warm on a sheet pan in a 200-degree oven.

Ina serves this with a green salad with a lemon vinaigrette. I serve it with a salad of baby romaine lettuce, dried cranberries, toasted walnuts, and bleu cheese crumbles tossed in good olive oil and really good balsamic vinegar. (Yes, even I like this salad.)

PESTO PARMESAN CROSTINI
This was an on-the-fly invention the other night. It would be a delicious and super-easy appetizer to serve when you have company.
French baguette, sliced on a diagonal
Olive oil
Basil pesto (store-bought is fine)
Shredded parmesan cheese

Lightly brush each side of the baguette slices with olive oil, then place under the broiler until lightly toasted. Flip pieces to toast each side. Spread each piece with basil pesto and sprinkle with parmesan cheese. Broil again until cheese is melted and bubbly.

Happy Friday!